This selection of writings includes material previously printed
in DECADES OF CONFUSION FEED THE INSECT or scrawled down in my notebooks somewhere.
The universe was born on a snowy day. We found
it in a field, still wet and abandoned by its mother to be devoured by predators.
We felt sorry for it. on its wet surface, glistening and shivering with each
snowflake that fell into its body, we saw our faces reflected. Although it had
no mouth, its large unblinking black eyes seemd to peer staight through us.
We couldn't just leave it there. We wrapped it up in one of our jackets and
carried it back to our small shed, where we placed it in a box with blankets.
It was a secret from everyone but us.
I would check up on it every day.
Its condition worsened.
It was soon dead.
We buried it nearby, marking its humble grave
with a small painted piece of wood .
When a little girl was born in this hospital,
her eyes were glazed over with a milky membrane. The membrane was placed over
her eyes because she was never intended or designed to see the lights and shadows
of the world she was born into. She was meant to be the princess who could see
beyond the veil of time and death. At every change, at every turn of motion
in the world, she would effortlessly step aside. She could keep her body from
changing -- from growing old or becoming sick. She could also change into the
form of whatever animal she wanted. Oftens she lived as a spotted deer, leading
a brave herd on a secret mission to construct a small but nearly unstoppable
group called SAPPHIRE LEVEL FERAL PRINCESSES, GHOST FACTION.
This group is currently active. Their actions
are so covert, so clandestine, so dangerous to a society based on the principles
of physical, psychological and spiritual RAPE that we cannot detail or speak
of their actions here.
For more information, use ouija board or EVP
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE -- THE WORLD IS A SPECKLED EGG -- WRAPPED
IN CLAWS AND VINES AND SNAKES. THE SNAKES ARE BEJEWELLED IDOLS, TRANSMITTING
GHOST SIGNALS THROUGH THE VACUUM OF SPACE. FIENDS AND GHOULS BESIEGE THE MIND
AND FRACTURE IT INTO BILLIONS OF SHARDS. YOUR TEETH FALL OUT. THE LEFT SIDE
OF YOUR FACE GOES NUMB FOR SOME REASON. COFFINS OPEN LIKE DOORWAYS. YOU CAN'T
STOP SMILING. A MILLION YEARS GO BY. THE WIND BLOWS. A pterodon glides along
the edge of an ancient lake bed. Her crested head angles to catch the wind.
A row of pin-sharp teeth poke out over her long snout proudly. The sun still
has billions of years to burn. She sweeps just below the cloudcover. She is
certain that she has lived forever and will live forever always. This moment
is all that is. She is the summation of God. An asteroid wobbles into the pull
of the planet. Like a tiny marble, like a bubble suspended in black syrup of
emptiness. Billions of brains melt at once as the force erupts. Other things
happen. A tiny stem extends grace into a craggy rock. A moss princess cloaks
a tree. Parasites swim in the bodies of their hosts, surrogate mothers for whip-worms
and mollusk-like sinewy jointed things that eat blood. And they know they have
lived forever. And will live forever still. And love radiates. There is no greater
way. A PERSON ON THE CIY BUS IS LAUGHING INSIDE A ROTTEN TORN COAT. THEY ARE
IN ON A GIANT SECRET JOKE THAT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO
EXPLAIN THE PUNCHLINE. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET IT. THIS PERSON OPENS THEIR CLENCHED
HAND A LITTLE TO REVEAL THAT THEY HAVE NO PALM LINE. THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT
THEY HAVE LIVED FOREVER, IT MEANS THAT THEY WERE NEVER BORN. THE JOKE IS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH THAT. A word was spoken. It was too late. Another word was spoken.
The gulf between the two words could have been lifetimes set on end. Time was
invented so that there would be punctuation between words. Time was invented
so that we could try to figure out what was going on in the first place. All
the shaows, all the lights, had been woken up. They were stumbling around, dazed.
I LOSE MY SENSE OF SIZE. MY BODY IMAGE BECOMES DISTORTED BEYOND THAT OF BEING
ANY RECOGNIZABLE SHAPE OR FORM. I AM TERRIBLY SMALL, SHRINKING ETERNALLY, SINKING
INTO VOID.... OR TERRIFICALLY LARGE, GROWING SO LARGE AS TO FILL THE ENTIRE
UNIVERSE... IT IS THE MOST HORRIBLE FEELING I HAVE FELT..... I CAN'T DESCRIBE....SINCE
AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER.... *FLASH OF LIGHTNING!!!* In a distant town, ten
men are lined up against a wall. Blindfolds. Hands tied. Firing squad readies.
The crack of rifles, a crow flies from a branch, alarmed. Before the bullet
can part the skull and brain and mind and soul and world, another outcome is
offered: this never happened. People are holding hands, dancing in a circle
in some medieaval circus. The intention of the dance is to create a vision,
somewhat like a hologram, of a radiant eye which will remember things such as
the exact shape of every snowflake ever, the shape of every cloud ever, the
face of every person ever. They call it the Princess Tiger Predictor. FINALLY,
AFTER A WINTER OF SUFFERING, I HAD GIVEN BIRTH. EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS GOING
TO DIE. BUT WHEN I DID GIVE BIRTH, THE BABY WAS NOT COMPLETELY SOLID, BUT HALF
VAPOR. I COULD BREATHE HIM IN THROUGH MY NOSE TO PROTECT HIM FROM THE COLD,
BUT I ALSO HAD TO BE CAREFUL OR HE WOULD BLOW AWAY. TWO DISCARNATE EYES ARE
IN THE WOODS, THEY ARE HIS EYES AS AN ADULT. IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS BORN IN THE
WINTER THAT HE IS IN THIS CONDITION. I BRING HIM FOOD AND CLOTHING WHEN I CAN.
ELECTRICTY IS THE KEY. THE KEY ON THE KITE. A KITE ON FIRE ABOVE THE SEASHORE.
That is all. Goodnight.